I let go. I had to.

Since 14, I’ve worked.  Working two, and even three jobs at a time while going to school, nurturing my gift of music, all while maintaining the best shape of my life, and my hair was thick and long. This was my norm.  I made it look good. It actually felt good. I was going to make sure I was protected, covered, and cared for, even if I had to do it myself. So managing a lot was not hard for me. It was also not healthy. But who was going to tell me?

I am well aware of my attachment style, how I show up, and what I’m capable of. I know me. So, as Elite Therapy reached the level of success in 2023 and 2024, I’m thriving in life in most areas. I am once again in the process of multitasking all of the things and seemingly doing it well, including traveling and laughing a lot more in my life, so why do I feel something off?

I wasn’t sure, but I knew what to do outside of praying and fasting. Therapy.

Everyone knows how hard it is to find a therapist, let alone one that’s perfect for you. It’s exhausting. mentally, financially, and emotionally draining. But if you know me, you know that when I put my mind to anything, it's done. And I knew it was time.

It was 2024. I dedicated this year to therapy. My intention was for God to guide me, because therapy is a very sacred journey. And he did, down to the very first search, click, and phone call. The moment I spoke with this therapist on the phone, yes, she picked up lol, I knew she was keeping it real with me, and she was the one for the season I was going through.  

I committed to therapy in a way I never had before, consistently, faithfully. Week after week, showing up for 50-minute sessions, even on the days I didn’t feel like unpacking anything. And what I didn’t expect… was that every single issue led me back to one place: My faith.

Every issue that came up didn’t just point to my wounds; it pointed to my relationship with God. It either directed me back to Him or exposed where my faith was lacking.

I remember her telling me, “ Okay so if you’re sure this is God, what’s the difference of making the decision now versus when he says it’s time. I paused and realized that while I was surrendering to his will, even though it didn’t feel good, I wasn’t surrendering to his way, nor his time.

I am the rip the brandade off type of person, I believe the faster I fall, the faster I get up, the faster I walk through the fire, the faster I get out. I don’t play with time. Come on let’s go! But I was moving too fast. Story of my life.  When I move fast, I miss things…. I paused because those who are close to me are laughing right now.

There were so many places where I was still trying to control. The places where I hadn’t fully surrendered. The places where I said I trusted Him, but my actions said otherwise. That kind of healing is different. Lawd! My time in therapy forced me to move slow  down and pay closer attention. You talking painful, my life moves fast. Everything about my life, what do you mean slow down. It’s just me!

So I realized in 2024 that I couldn’t hide, and guess what, neither can you. You can’t hide there. You can’t perform there. You can’t just “get through” it. You have to face yourself. I met with my therapist faithfully for about a year and locked in with God.

Once the season was complete with my therapist, I spent some time serious nurting my relationship with God. Just me and God working it out day by day and moment by moment.

Then suddenly, God shifted me.

I had just dropped my kids off, and drove to a workshop for entrepreneurs and had a looonngg talk with God in the car and kept talking to him until the moment I walked through that door. The moment I walked into the room. BOOM! I locked eyes with the person who would introduce me to my life coach. Both of our eyes popped wide open, and we both froze. My life coach came through a ruptured 20-year friendship that was grieved, repaired, and rebuilt foundationally by God and God alone. If you look for God in everything, you’ll find him everywhere, and did I!  

What started as weekly sessions with my previous therapist turned into something deeper. I was led into spiritual life coaching in January of 2025, and the intensity increased in a way I didn’t even know I needed.

Now, two times a week. An hour and a half each session. This wasn’t just maintenance anymore. This was a transformation. Somewhere in that process… I met myself. And I like me. All of me.. most days lol.  Sometimes, I work my nerves on how hard I am on myself, but I’ll take me. Do you know how hard it is to love all of you? Oohhh child.

Not just the parts that are strong. Not just the parts that are put together. But the parts that’s still healing. The parts that still needed attention. The parts that were once ignored. That kind of love? It takes work. But it’s the kind of work that changes everything.

See now, here’s the thing. The painful part for me was the still. I’m still dealing with this? What!? Still?! Yes, Still.

In my year of intense healing, I met the little girl in me. And I see her often now. Sometimes, viewing the world through her lens makes me laugh.
And sometimes… it breaks me down to my knees in tears. Because I get it now. I understand her. I understand myself. I see how easy it is to give up on her, which is why I can forgive those who were not equipped to give me what I needed. I have what it takes to give me what I need, and I still slip up from time to time. So who am I to be angry at those who, never had what I now have? I did the work, I know my why, I have capacity, I have emotional maturity, I get it now. And yes, I still neglect myself from time to time. I still get lost, I still try to control what’s not in my control. Yes, still.

Perfection came up a time or two….or a million during coaching. LOL. I just never saw it that way. What’s wrong with wanting to be great, especially if you truly are, AND I’m tapped into my gifts?! I’m clear on what’s inside of me. For the most part lol. It’s the way in which I went about my pursuit that made all the difference. I was not being kind to my body, to my mind. I was being so hard on myself, unrealistic, and utilizing no help along the way to financial success. “ Don’t worry, I got it.” I was that girl. And guess what, I’m still working on that. Lol. I still struggle asking for help. I’ve downplayed my accomplishments, not celebrated, and most years, I forget about my birthday, sometimes days before. It’s bad, I know. Don’t judge me.

For my baby shower, I received so many text messages about not getting an invite, and the same for Elite Therapy’s grand opening. I now know that was my subconscious trying to downplay not reaching out too much in case no one shows up for me because…. well, I don’t expect people to, and to be fair, I don’t ask them to. Yup, that’s little Arianne.

Instead of running from her, I’ve learned how to sit with her… to listen… to love her. As a therapist, something became very clear to me.

The deeper my clients were willing to go… the deeper I needed to go. The types of issues I began to face in my work showed me that my own healing had to be taken up a notch. If I was going to carry my people through their pain… If I were going to hold their hands ethically, morally, and with integrity, I had to go deeper.

I couldn’t avoid my own work. I also believe I would be better equipped if I had truly gone through the fire of deeper healing. I can see the difference in the clients I now work with.

Now, for mature me, and little me, I want it all! I want it all back. Every part of me that was left incomplete. Every gift that was buried. Every piece of me that I disconnected from just to survive, hide, and create this false sense of protection and provision. I want to tap into all of it. I want to share my gifts fully. I don’t want to leave anything on this earth when my time is up.

Nothing unused. Nothing hidden. Nothing incomplete. Because the truth is, I’m purposed. I was created with a plan in mind. He has always protected me, he has always provided for me, and what I’ve always wanted and prayed for, I’ve always had. I’m just now calling it what it is and walking into it. Wisdom. This journey brought me back to the one thing I had to fully surrender to: It’s really not about me.

It's his will.

If you’ve been doing the work… and you still feel like something’s off. Know that there are levels to healing, and you are still on the right track. Along this healing journey, there will be turns, pit stops, pauses, speed bumps, pivots, breathtaking views on your open roads, and scary, jam-packed, narrow turns, high and low bridges, and even U-turns. But, from birth to death, we have room to slow down. Let’s do just that.

Walking in obedience is where I am now. And connecting with others has fast-tracked or enhanced my healing, if you will. Delegating. Leaning on support, asking for help has really helped. Y’all pray for me. Getting outside, even if it’s just to work, is good for me. Mentorship. Coaching. Encouragement. Support. Accountability. That is the sweet spot. I am who I am, and I know who’s I am. This is the heart of group therapy.

When it comes to this healing of mine, I’m on a new level. And yes, I’m singing that in my head.

If you’re ready to meet yourself, fully, honestly, and deeply. There is a space for you to do that. You don’t have to do it alone.

Healing will ask more of you than you expect. But when you allow God to truly rebuild you from the foundation up… You don’t just heal. You become, and you continue to become season by season.

I really appreciate the time you took to read this post. I pray that it helps in any way. If you want to join us in group therapy. Please visit elitetherapy.love/grouptherapy.